ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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