People with herpes should wear stickers.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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