I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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