I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
