I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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