this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
