I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
