threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
