How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
