watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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