New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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