speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im part way to drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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