Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
