I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
