Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
