arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
