I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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