We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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