i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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