you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
