fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
