CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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