Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
