When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
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We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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