Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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