I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he fucked my hip out of place.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
