Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sponge bath it is.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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