So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
