can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
