i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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