he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
