I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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