I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How's work?
Spinning.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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