hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
