there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
