people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
