i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
