how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She bit a glass in half.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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