saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
