Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
