fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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