the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
