Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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