Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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