I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
