its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
