Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
