hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
