It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
