wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
