why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
