I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
