yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
