I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
