There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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