if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
