Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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