He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
