i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
