found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
