he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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