Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
