i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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