JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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