DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
