how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
