just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
