I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
