so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
