She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
