Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
