You just made me feel so damn special
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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