I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Fuck appropriateness.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
